Monday, November 8, 2010

Anonymous, Sex and Relationships

I came across this on The Daily What. It's a viral video made by Anonymous, based on a 4chan post proposing a silly method for guys to get their romantically attached female friends to sleep with them. It basically depicts deception leading to sex.

Trigger warning for depictions of suicide.

I'm not sure whether this is a spoof or a half-joking pipe-dream. On the one hand, it's ridiculous. On the other hand, there's lots of ridiculous messages telling guys they should lie in order to sleep with women. On the other hand, the video acknowledges that that kind of deception is really not acceptable. On the other hand, it originated from 4chan.

One thing I know for sure about the video is that it's based on the theme of the guy who's "in love" with his friend.

It's a theme that appears often in pop culture narratives, and on the internet from guys complaining about how they can't get any dates. It's getting really tiresome. Because it perpetuates the idea that men and women can't have genuine friendships. And because it posits the woman as an objective, not an actor. And when she is an actor, she's posed as a weird kind of adversary, preventing the guy from getting into her bed by shunting him into the "friend zone".

The sad thing that the video either nails as a spoof or exemplifies as a pipe-dream, is that the goal of the whole narrative is sex, not a relationship with the woman that the dude is apparently "in love" with. A relationship may or may not result, but the actual goal is to have sex. Once. Adhering to the myth that men want sex and women want romance. The relationship advice that assumes men are only interested in sex is harmful to men because it denies the existence of their emotional lives, and the significance of their relationships with women. I think the video actually touches on this with its twist at the end, since it shows the man actually caring about implications of his actions vis-a-vis his friend's humanity. Dating is going to continue to be frustrating for men who are influenced by standards of masculinity, as long as they're discouraged from exploring what they really want out of a relationship.

Some real advice for guys who are romantically interested in a woman friend:

If you're really into your friend, tell her how you feel. You might be surprised by her reaction. Straight women don't have to be tricked in order to like a guy. In fact, we prefer honesty, and being treated like a person instead of a trophy. And if your friend really is not into you, end the relationship, because it will never be the relationship that either of you want. I've been on both sides of the equation, and neither position is very fun. Don't pretend to be her friend. Get over it, and go meet new people.

1 comment:

  1. Well,I must agree that the relationship advice that assumes men are only interested in sex is harmful to men because it denies the existence of their emotional lives,its good that you shared this so informative.



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